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I read it in the newspapers

March 1, 2017
By Joyce Schenk , Westfield Republican

Lately, we've been bombarded by flash after flash of what President Trump calls "false news." Often the administration itself tries to contradict the fake stuff by coming up with "alternative facts."

It's growing increasingly difficult to separate the fake from the real in current news.

In spite of the glut of fake news, I've recently come across a number of pieces in the paper that, though weird, are actually true.

For instance, to prove that Oklahomans are at last catching up with the rest of us, a city in Oklahoma recently abolished a ban that has stood for almost 40 years. The law made it illegal to dance within 500 feet of a church or school.

Let the proms begin!

***

An Australian woman, who said "I always wanted a fat baby,"gave birth to a 13 pound, 3 oz. boy.

And mothers everywhere winced.

***

Moscow authorities, as part of their campaign to bring Wi-Fi to crowded public places, are connecting up to cemeteries. In a recent statement, the Moscow city hall said that free Wi-Fi would be available in the city's three main cemeteries next year.

Although the state-owned funeral directors company didn't mention the permanent residents of the cemeteries, they said the Wi-Fi will attract many visitors to the historic resting places of illustrious Russians.

Yesterday meets today.***

A Canadian driver, who was confidently following the directions of his GPS, managed to drive 2000 ft. into a streetcar tunnel.

Re-calculating!

***

Residents in a Scottish neighborhood were so frustrated by drivers speeding through their area that they armed themselves with reflective vests and hair dryers in order to intimidate the speeders.

Citizen power!

***

UPI posted a photo of a Florida sheriff's department car with an unusual addition. The deputy who was driving was in such a hurry to drive away from the station, the gas pump nozzle was still hanging from the car.

Can you spell "Oops"?

***

Iceland's President Johanesson has announced his opposition to pineapple on pizza. He was speaking to a group of high school students and told them he would ban the use of the fruit on pizzas if he could. But, in spite of his distaste for pineapple, he posted on Facebook that he was glad he didn't have that kind of power.

No food police here.

***

The weirdest true news I found came out of the Detroit area.

The mayor of a Detroit suburb is trying to ban the use of personal flamethrowers. The dangerous units are being sold by two companies, one in nearby Detroit, one in Cleveland.

The companies claim their devices have a number of worthwhile applications. They can be used for recreation or to control weeds and insect hives, clear snow and ice, clear brush or start a bonfire.

The city's Mayor calls such uses "pretty silly." He wants to ban the storage, use and ownership of flamethrowers in his city. He believes the devices are dangerous and could damage property, cause house fires, injury, even death.

He said in an interview, "You know something like this will be used by bad people for bad things."

It's good to know that there is still one politician in this country who thinks logically. Still, during a Detroit winter, it could be pretty handy to have a snow remover with extra power!

 
 
 

 

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